To Love Her Always
by YourRegina4Ever
Summary: I love you. For forever? Forever and Always. Everything is going amazingly well until one day tragedy strikes, leaving one wife to pick up the pieces for their two sons. What happens when the love of your life passes away? Is love truly for forever? Is love one of those things you have to treasure every second you are lucky to be given? Or is it both?


**Author's Note: I know I haven't updated A Lover's Demise or Meeting You Once Again in a while, and I apologize for that. When my summer break starts, I will have more time to go back and update them. I haven't forgotten about either of them. As for this new fic, I came up with the idea when I was waiting for one of my classes to start. ****I would like to thank my new beta readers: singinprincess and once-upon-a-bones for their help. **

**I hope you all enjoy this. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated.**

Summary: I love you. For forever? Forever and Always. Everything is going amazingly well until one day tragedy strikes, leaving one wife to pick up the pieces for their two sons. What happens when the love of your life passes away? Is love truly for forever? Is love one of those things you have to treasure every second you are lucky to be given? Or is it both?

* * *

Beloved wife,

mother,

and daughter.

She looked away and stopped herself from reading any more of what was engraved on the tombstone. What was once a beautiful day of remembrance and the making of new memories was now filled with a grim reminder that everything had changed and nothing would ever be the same again.

The woman had grown to love her wife and their two beautiful children. She looked behind her and saw their son holding onto his baby brother. She placed a rose on her beloved's resting place, wiped away her tears, and walked back towards their children.

She turned to Henry. "Let's go home. We've got everyone waiting for us back there."

She took Jaimie from Henry. With one arm holding onto Jaimie and her other arm wrapped around Henry, they walked downhill to their car. After putting Jaimie in his booster seat, she looked back one more time and saw under an apple tree, her wife's tombstone.

The trio drove home and aside from the sound of Henry and Jaimie's snoring, she was deaf to the world. Occasionally, she would reach over as if she were holding onto her wife's hand as they always did while driving. Yet, she would only feel the cold, empty cushion of the seat and pull back her hand and remind herself of where the three of them had just left. Yes, nothing would ever be the same again for the Swan-Mills family.

* * *

Back at the house, Jaimie remained fast asleep, clinging onto her shoulders as she climbed up the stairs and tucked him into bed. She kissed him once on the forehead before closing the door. She had made it halfway down the stairs when she realized she had forgotten something. She went back into Jaimie's room and kissed him another time on his forehead.

"From your Mommy and me" she softly whispered before heading out of the room and gently closing the door so as to not wake him up.

She looked to her left and saw their bedroom. She hadn't been in there since she had gotten the phone call - that dreaded phone call. She could still hear the doctor's ragged breathing and shallow sighs as he carefully phrased his words in an attempt to make it easier on her, but nothing could ever make any of this easier.

She remembered the drive to that god awful hospital, the same one that had once brought such joy to their growing family when her wife had given birth to their beautiful children. After finding a spot in the parking lot, she had made it inside and was directed downstairs to that soul-sucking morgue, where she had to go pick the body up.

Shaking her head of those thoughts, she clenched her fists and let the tears stream down her face.

"Why baby? Why you? Why not me? Why? Please come back. Come back to me. Please. I miss you. The kids miss you. God, baby. Why?" she had started pounding on their bedroom door, but not loud enough to draw attention to herself.

She went into the bathroom down the hall and washed her face. She looked in the mirror and no longer was there the smile she had proudly worn each day since finding her true love. There in front of the mirror was a woman who was holding it together for their sons. She dried her face and headed downstairs to join the guests. She saw Henry who put on a brave face as well. They locked eyes and briefly smiled at each other.

* * *

Everything is going well. The guests are saying their condolences while a few are telling Henry and I tales of my wife. Some of us are laughing, and some of us are crying. Henry and I, as well as our guests, seem to have forgotten why we're here together in the first place as we catch up on funny stories. Then, out of nowhere, we are all gravely reminded of why we are all here today when I hear Jaimie screaming, "MOMMY! MOMMY!"

I hurry and run upstairs and open the door. I see him crying.

"Jaimie, baby I'm here. Mama's here." I say pulling him into my arms as I start rubbing small circles all over his back.

Jaimie continues to cry and I soon join him when he yells, "I want Mommy! I want her here!"

"I want her here too, Jaimie." I whisper as I rock him in my arms.

I can hear the front door open and the sound of footsteps fading away and guests saying their goodbyes. After the front door shuts, I hear footsteps coming up. It's Henry, and I can see how strong he has been for holding it in for me. I look in his eyes and back at Jaimie again. Words aren't needed right now. Hugs and kisses are in far greater demand.

When things got tough, she always knew what to do and especially what to say. I knew that no amount of hugs or kisses would ever change the fact that she was gone. But for now, as I look at them both, it would have to do. I reach out my hand, and Henry takes it. I hug both of my boys and kiss them each on their foreheads. We sit there holding onto each other, until Jaimie breaks the silence.

"Mama?" he says softly, for his crying has slowed down.

He continues, "Mommy's never coming back, huh?"

I try saying something. Anything to comfort him, but I get a huge lump in my throat. I finally open my mouth and before I can say anything, Henry squeezes my hand and starts talking.

"No, Jaimie. She's not. But we can always go and visit her whenever you'd like." Henry says, with a small smile that's visible for several seconds, before he turns to me and buries his face in my shoulder.

I look at Jaimie and say, "You know Mommy loved you, right? That she'll always love you, no matter what."

"I know, Mama. I just wish I could see her again, before she closed her eyes and went to heaven."

"I know, baby boy. But we can go – " I cut myself off when I remember all the home videos I recorded. I'm sure there are plenty of videos up in our room. I looked at Henry and Jaimie and know I have to go back into that room. I place Jaimie back on the bed and run into our room. I look at anything but our bed or your drawer or your desk as I head straight into the closet. I grab the box and go back to our sons.

I sit beside them and say, "Jaimie, there's a way you can see Mommy again. Remember when we used to have that video tape recorder?"

"Yes, Mama. Why?"

"Well, why don't the three of us go watch all of these videos? Mommy will be in them."

And as soon as I say those words, Jaimie's eyes twinkle, as do Henry's. Henry lifts Jaimie up and carries him piggyback style and heads toward our room. Henry sees me linger and understands why.

"On second thought, Jaimie, let's go downstairs."

He kisses me on the cheek before carrying Jaimie down the stairs. I soon join them and set the DVD player up. While I'm setting everything up, I can hear Henry and Jaimie go through the box as if they had just stumbled upon buried treasure.

"Henry, what does this say? Oh, what about this? Or this? And this? I want to watch them all!"

I chuckle quietly to myself as I hear Jaimie's eagerness and Henry rushing to answer all of the questions as if he was saying one long word. "ChristmasNewYearsThanksgivingHalloween."

I turn around and get up. I locate the remote before plopping myself down on the couch.

"Okay, which one should we watch first?"

Jaimie sits in my lap and excitedly yells, "This one, Mama!"

Henry laughs as he puts the DVD in. "Alright, buddy. Okay, we'll watch it."

I look at Henry and ask, "Which one is it?"

"You'll see" he says with a sparkle in his eyes and for a brief moment, I swear I can see you in him. For a second, I recall how you used to say the same thing to me whenever I got impatient with surprises.

I playfully poke him on his side as the title unfolds before our eyes. It reads: Independence Day, 2010. I look at Henry and Jaimie and smile.

* * *

The screen flickers on and there she is, looking beautiful and alive as ever. A tear had found itself in my eye, and I did my best to hold it in. I rest my chin momentarily on top of Jaimie's head before placing a kiss on him. I look at Henry who shifts a little to put a blanket on us while getting a blanket for himself. I look at him and silently say thank you. I turn my attention back to the screen and smile as the scene unfolds.

[video scene]

"Emma, turn that off! I'm huge!"

"Of course you are! What do you expect? You're pregnant for crying out loud!"

"So you do think I'm huge? I'm carrying our son, and you have the nerve to tell me I'm huge? You're sleeping on the couch for a month! A week, if you're lucky!"

"Regina!" I see myself pouting. "You can't be serious!"

"Watch me," she says in that tone of hers that everyone knew not to challenge, including me.

"Emma, you better listen to her. You never want to mess with someone who's pregnant, especially if they're the mayor of this town, and even more importantly, if that someone is also your wife!" Ruby warningly jokes.

"Yeah. Yeah. Whatever." I mumble in the background.

"Emma, I can't believe you said something about her weight!" my former roommate, Mary Margaret, scolds me.

"Yeah, Ma! Even I'm smart enough to know that you should never say anything about Mom's weight." Henry adds.

* * *

I wake up and see that the video is still playing. I carefully stretch my arms and legs so as to not wake them up. I look at them and smile knowing that in this moment, these videos along with the memories we made and our sons that you'll always be with us.

I start looking around to see where the remote is, so I can rewind it to where we last left off in the video. I slowly move my arm from underneath Jaimie's head and place the rest of the blanket on top of him. I get up, making sure to not wake either of them up. I find the remote and just as I'm about to hit the rewind button, I see you going up to the camera.

[video scene]

"Hey little one, did you enjoy the party? It's me, your Mommy. You see over there is your Mama. She and I can't wait to meet you." You take a pause and chuckle with that beautiful smile of yours shining through. "Now, I know you may think it's time to come out, what with all the ruckus that has been going on around here, but not yet. It's Independence Day, otherwise known as Fireworks Day by your brother. You see him over there? That's your brother, Henry. He's your older brother. Over there are your grandparents. You have two of them. I'm sure your Mama and I will be recording more videos before you get here and even after you finally get here, and we'll be able to watch these videos together. Now, your Mama usually records these things, so this will be our little secret until we all watch this video together. I just wanted to take the time to start recording my own little messages for you, just like I did for your brother, Henry."

You laugh once more when I interrupt you. "Babe! Come sit down! The sun's about to go down!"

"Dear! I'll be right there!" She says before turning back to the camera. "Well, I think I'll wrap this up, since your Mama wants me. I love you, little one. Thank you for not treating my belly as a goal post. Oh, before I forget, your Aunt Kathryn is right behind the camera. See? Okay, I love you. Mwah."

* * *

The video ends, and I'm left with tears in my eyes. "Regina," I whisper softly. I wipe my face and look at the clock. I wake Henry up first and then Jaimie, who wraps his arm around my neck. Henry walks up the stairs first, and I take Jaimie to his room. I tuck him in, give him a kiss, and leave the door open. I walk into Henry's room and kiss him goodnight.

* * *

I glance at the clock on the table beside our bed. If it had been any day like the day before or a month before, you would have come home from work around 5 or 6, and I would then tell you to take off your shoes, so I could massage your feet and any of your aching limbs before going into the kitchen and starting dinner. Sometimes, you would be the one to make dinner, but I would often kiss you on the lips and tell you to lie back on the couch or go soak in the bathtub and relax. A smile flashes across my lips for several seconds when I think of you and how you would then give me a smile and whisper that you wanted to properly thank me later that evening for all my hard work.

I get a pillow and hold it close to me. I look back at your side of the bed, and it hits me that it's way too soon to be sleeping in this room of ours again. I get my things and head downstairs. I tell myself that in the morning, I'll be strong again. I'll be everything that our sons need me to be. But for now, as I lie on this couch, I cry it all out, until I fall asleep.

Because my wife, Regina Swan-Mills, would no longer be the one whose face I would wake up to in the mornings. No, Regina wouldn't be there, and it was up to me to be everything Henry and Jaimie would ever need. I then cry as a thought comes into my mind: Who would be the one I needed? The one who would chase my demons away? The one who would love me despite knowing that I had grown up in the foster care system? I cry even more because realization dawns on me. The person who I would always need and who I needed especially now to comfort me, was the same one I had buried earlier today.

**Author's Note: I forgot to mention that this will also be a multi-chapter fic. **


End file.
